It’s not just the laundry.
Or the meals.
Or the carpool lines, the appointments or the to-do list.

It’s the thinking about all of it—all the time.

The other night, I told Jimmy I was just exhausted. It wasn’t even 8:00 p.m. and I was ready for bed. That familiar feeling had crept in again—the mental load of mom life. And honestly, it came in hard and I was ready to break down. 

It’s something that’s hard to explain to anyone else… because as moms, our minds are constantly going and so many times we don’t think anyone will understand. 

And while I’ve learned how to carry it differently, every now and then—I fall back into the habit of carrying it all again and it is hard and heavy. 

But here’s the truth:
This is a load I was never meant to carry alone and I need to stop trying. 

What the Mental Load Really Looks Like

It’s remembering what’s going on this week, , the therapy, what size clothing they are in (if we can even keep up with that, because they grow so fast), appointments…
Maybe it’s the way your child looked at you after a meltdown or when they fought you through their schoolwork.

It’s knowing when we’re out of yogurt…
but also knowing who’s been extra quiet, who needs a little more attention, who’s been sassy all week and who hasn’t had any alone time with you in a while.

It’s planning meals.
Tracking schedules.
Maintaining the house.
Noticing everyone’s mood…
and still trying to hold on to your own identity somewhere underneath it all.

It’s constant, invisible and it can be so heavy.

I Used to Think I Just Needed to Manage It Better

If I just made a better list…
If I just stayed up later…
If I just tried harder…

But the truth is—I didn’t need more hustle.
I needed less weight.
I didn’t need to carry more…
I needed to carry it differently.

How I’m Lightening the Load

This isn’t some shiny before-and-after story. I still carry a lot, because I am a mom and I’m always real and honest.
But I’m learning how to shift the weight instead of letting it run my life.

Here’s what’s helping:

1. Creating Rhythms Instead of Living in Reaction Mode

Morning routines.
Weekly resets.
Meal plans.

They don’t solve everything—but they remove decision fatigue and keep our home running.

When I know what to expect, I don’t waste energy managing the chaos.
I can breathe.
And so can my family, because there’s not so much chaos.

Rhythms and routines literally release a lot of the mental load and allow us as moms to show up better.

2. Letting Go of the Guilt for Not Doing It All

Just because I can, doesn’t mean I should.

I don’t attend every thing I’m invited to or know about.
I don’t get my kids involved in everything.
I don’t say yes to every favor.
I don’t explain myself when I choose peace over productivity.

I stopped feeling guilty for saying no.

I was recently asked to teach Sunday school, and while I said I’d think and pray about it, I knew in my heart it would be a no. But I did think and pray about it, before actually saying no.
And that’s okay. I didn’t feel guilt for saying no. 

If I had said yes, I would have been miserable.

A mom at peace is more valuable than a to-do list completed and doing it all.

3. Asking for Help Without Apologizing

This was hard and some days it still can be.
I used to carry everything because it felt easier than delegating.
And when things weren’t done to my standard, I’d get frustrated and just do it myself.

But now?

I ask for help from Jimmy and the kids. Like today my girls did a couple things around the house while I was doing some summer learning with JJ and working.

These days, everyone pitches in with getting dinner on the table.
Jimmy helps and or one of the kids helps. After dinner it was like an unspoken routine that just happened. The girls one day just jumped up and started cleaning up dinner, putting leftovers away, putting dishes in the dishwasher, washing any dishes that need to be washed. JJ has taken it upon himself to wipe the table, put anything away in the fridge and check to see if trash needs to be empty. Jimmy and I help too and one of us always vacuums.
And you know what? By the time dinner is done, I don’t feel wiped out anymore or the weight is all on my shoulders. Best part is our nights are calmer and full of connections. 

When I started communicating what I needed, things started to shift.

4. Building Boundaries Around My Mind and Time

I don’t let my phone dictate my day or am I on my phone all day.
I don’t let a full schedule steal my peace.

I build margin into our days.
I make room to just be—even if it’s 10 quiet minutes with a cup of coffee.

Not every minute has to be productive to be valuable.

I give myself space to regroup. Every single day.

5. Trusting God With the Things I Can’t Hold

(This one is the most important.)

There are so many things beyond my control.
And I’ve stopped trying to carry all of it on my own. Because trying to carry it all doesn’t work at all. 

Prayer has become my lifeline—not a task.
It’s where I release emotions and weight I can’t even name and carry. 

God sees what I can’t carry.
And in those quiet moments with Him, I find real rest and peace.(And yes, a good cup of coffee helps too—and I’ll be grabbing one shortly.)

My Final Thoughts

The mental load of motherhood is real, but we don’t have to carry it the same way forever.

You don’t have to do more.
You don’t have to be more.

You just need space. Time to breathe. Support.
And permission to carry things differently—and stop doing it all.

Ready to Lighten the Load?

If you’re tired of carrying it all, I’d love to help.
I offer free 15-minute clarity calls for moms who are ready to simplify their routines, find peace, and build rhythms that support both their family and their heart.

👉 Book your free call here

Or explore The Simplified Mom Method—where we build rhythms that make real life lighter.

Love and Support,